Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
