I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
