Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
