maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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