did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
