Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
