so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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