Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
