i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
