i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
