i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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