in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
