The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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