True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
