I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
did i just pee glitter
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
