Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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