yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
