Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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