Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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