Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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