No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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