You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
