Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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