I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
