i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
