I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
