So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
