just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
