everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
