you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
