Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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