We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
