come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
