Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
