You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
