I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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