I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
