Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
