I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
