I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
