I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
