This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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