im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
