help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
