Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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