I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
