Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
