my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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