I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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