cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
