just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
