Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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