Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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