last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
