I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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