remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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