I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
