take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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