just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
