I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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