I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
