Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
