You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
