Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
