Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
