next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
