just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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