a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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