That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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