Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My bed smells like the plague
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
