You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The air taste purple.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
