I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
