Where did you get a picture of my penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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