In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
