Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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