I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
