whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
