Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
