cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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