Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize