due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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