Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
