And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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