Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i believe in u and ur pee
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
