please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
