Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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