Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
