I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
