yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
